This corner of my studio scares me. So I avoid it. And it gets scarier and scarier and scarier until it starts interfering with any peace of mind I might otherwise have here.
It's just a computer (or three), a printer (or two), a bunch of paperwork and most recently some cameras and a microphone that I don't know how to use but I somehow still think will make me a Youtube success any day now.
The things in here are scary mostly because I wait so long to use them that I think I have forgotten how and surely will die a painful punishing death of forgotten or changed passwords if I dare to touch any of them and set off viral nerve damage to every electronic device I own and render them (inlcuding my phone) useless to me. Then, if I weigh them down with notebooks and notebooks of really detailed and imaginative business plans that don't make any sense in the re-reading of them by the person who wrote them (what was I thinking?), to-do lists with barely anything checked off on them and very sloppy bookkeeping , it's more than enough to put the fear of complete and utter failure, not to mention the IRS, into my heart, where art used to reside. HEART (heART).
Weird. This has nothing to do with making art. Weirder. This has everything to do with making art. Weirdest yet. I'm not really free to happily make art until I tidy up this mess that is spilling all over my art supplies.
So, here I am. Going in. Bringing a flashlight with me.
Facts:
I enjoy "some parts" of setting up shops or markets and using social media for business connections and sales and having a website and shop.
I abhor having to make art pay the bills (stress of that, not the times when it just does).
In order to pay the studio bills, some of my art needs to be sold and money needs to exchange hands (go into my hands temporarily until I hand it over to landlords and Michaels, etc).*
*Unless I'm willing to use all my personal resources to keep painting art for my own amusement.
Conclusions:
The only thing truly scary about this corner of my life is my own fear of not knowing exactly where I stand right now (the unknown) in terms of what I really want or need to do and why Nothing is in here that I didn't personally put in here. Nothing in here is vital to my peace of mind unless I consider what is in here that interferes with my peace of mind elsewhere.
It's time to tidy up in here. Give away (or put in a closet with a better lock on it) some stuff (to dos, expectations) that I don't need. And actually put some art out there and into the world so people can find it and purchase it and help keep the fun flowing.
Not every opportunity that presents itself is a call for immediate action. For instance, a sudden notice that artist applications were being accepted into one of my favorite galleries, but only for a couple more weeks, nearly had me ditching everything I was already doing in order to create an appropirate body of work in a hurry that would buy me my way into that gallery. Truth is, I'm not ready. Truer still, there will be be more openings when I am.
New action plan.
Make more art. Explore new and exciting ways of making art. Explore getting better (or at least having more fun) making art the way I already make it and at making the kind of art that makes my own heart sing. Put that art in the shop and let people know it's there. Trust some of it will make some of them sing too, to the tune of "la-la-la, can I please buy this one? " Go to markets sometimes when they are fun and I feel like it. Some markets are just work or a bad fit. Don't go to those.
Visit this corner more often so it doesn't feel scary. Keep the door open to opportunities that present themselves but don't answer every knock on the door as if i the fire department is doing the knocking.
This is my way of saying I've just put some art for sale in the shop and I'll be making and putting more in shortly.
24 x 36 acrylic "Sunflower Summer"