You'd think after this many years painting, I would be somewhat settled about the coming and going of the creative impulse. Still, when it disappears, it is like a lover going away without even leaving a goodbye note or a friend dying suddenly. There and then not there. No way to call it back. Only the space where it once was to sit in and wait.
I'm having such a moment now. I'm in the wait. And it's okay. I've come to understand I can't have one without the other. Winter comes after summer. Waiting comes after you've painted your heart out for a while and need to rest, whether you got it all said or not. Someone described it as laying fallow, like a field that needs to be rejuvenated before it can be planted again.
So, for now all I can do is keep a trickle of creativity flowing with this and that, like my doodle commitment, and then wait and get ready for what's to come. This is a time for cleaning my brushes, going through my paints and covering up some mishaps on canvasses with gesso. I am both resting and preparing for what's next. This is all the more pointed as I also pack to sell my home and go live in the city this coming spring.
And while I don't know what's coming next, I trust it is coming. I fully expect to continue the conversation on canvas I had with another this past summer even though I can't know what we will talk about from here on out. I know bold life changes call for creative responses in me so I anticipate a surge when I get to the city. I am starting to feel more rested and ready for what life has in store for me still. I'm curious what will call me to a canvas again in the new year.
It's hard to believe but, in less than a year, Vandoodle happened, love happened, doodles spilled, paintings overflowed and I got my wish fulfilled for a year filled with joy. I am thinking if the next year is anything like this last, I best enjoy my creative respite while I have a chance.
I hope your New Year is filled with peace and joy.